Giant Swiss Army Knife

Contrary to popular belief, the above photo is not a Photoshop trick. We wouldn’t do that to you. It’s not a secret government torture tool either, not that we know of. It is the biggest mofo of a Swiss Army Knife ever invented, with a Guinness World Records entry to prove it. Totally legit, too. Wenger, one of the companies that make those pocket red and silver all-in-one-tools everyone has in their drawer or hiking kit, created this gluttonous monster for their 100th anniversary. It has 85 tools (the total number that was ever produced by them) usable in 110 various ways, and at almost 9 inches long and weighing in at 3 pounds, you’ll need the special box it comes in to carry it around. I’m kind of confused though; the Swiss Army knife is popular for its practicality, but with this particular big guy, using the nail filer to smooth your nails or the corkscrew to open a wine bottle brought along on a camping trip seem to defeat its purpose. In desperate times, it could probably improvise as a hammer. For $1,200 a pop (ThinkGeek has it for $999 if you’re comparison shopping), I’m fine and dandy sticking with my Knife and its modest set of 10 tools. But thanks anyway.